Failed projects. Failed relationships. Rejection letters. More FML moments than I care to admit. Mugged in my investments. Brick walled in my career. Death of friends. Stolen identities and hacked accounts. I look around and see broken glass everywhere, and I can’t help but smile. In a year of more failure than I can shake a stick at, I’m on the right track. As Tyler Durden would say, self improvement is masturbation, but self destruction…

In a year where I’ve had money stolen from me, lent money out that I’ll never see again, and money that I’m still chasing down, I feel great. Shady business dealings, bad business partners, treachery, backstabbery, betrayal. I’ve bled more for sure, but I’m better off for it. Stronger, wiser, smarter. I definitely didn’t leave this year unscathed, but battle scars make character. And character makes men. But all was not evil and terrible. I invested significantly in myself, spending thousands on genetics testing for me and my family. I climbed one of the world’s largest free standing structures. Against 12,000 others, not feeling 100% and without any running or stair training, I probably had a top 5/10 fastest time. Now that’s street. Should I ever decide to climb the tower again, I’m gunning for the fastest time. I wrote the GMAT, and unlike some others who spend thousands on courses and books and study for months on end, I borrowed some books, downloaded some content, crammed for a month and scored in the 95th percentile. Street. I had the absolute honour to listen to Al Gore talk about something that is near and dear to my heart: Climate change. I had the pleasure to hear Bill Clinton talk about other subjects dear to my heart: Giving, poverty, overpopulation, and health care. I spent an entire weekend with the best performance coach in the world in Tony Robbins, who not only made me walk on blazing hot 1000+ degree Celsius coals in my bare feet, but lit a fire under my ass. And of course, I did some travelling, met some super cool people, and made some new friends. Hiked a trail wearing barefoot shoes, getting altitude sickness but refusing to take pills, in one rewarding adventure. Good times, good times. And I challenged many of my beliefs. I flip flopped back and forth about some things and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. I’m a lot more thick skinned, a lot less idealistic. My bullshit detector is more highly fine tuned. I have much better control over my emotions and no longer worry about things that are outside of my circle of influence (except I do, as you’ll see below). I’m much better at not overestimating the competition and underestimating myself. I also got into a lot of interesting topics including genetics, survivalism, health, fitness, nutrition, and so on.

Most people quit too early. My problem is I don’t know when to quit. That’s why I stay on a rock climbing wall for hours on end, hands shredded to a bloody mess, but I finish. That’s why I workout 6, 7, 8, 9 times a week and haven’t missed a beat since May because the calendar says so. But it’s also why I stay in relationships that are harmful to both parties, why I can’t get up from a movie even if it’s terrible, why I finish my plate even if I’m super stuffed and why I have a hard time putting down a crappy book. I hate quitting. My hatred of quitting got me through university, but it also has kept me at a job I lost the passion for. This is an important skill that I need to work on. When to stick it out and when to abandon ship when the potential return on investment just isn’t worth it. Persistence isn’t the problem for me, quitting is. Some things that I’ve pondered about this year include the following:

To blog or not to blog
My love/hate relationship with blogging continues. This is because I’m of the firm belief that if you can’t do something right, then don’t do it. And I really don’t do this right, since it’s on a low list of priorities for me. But Gary Vaynerchuk convinced me to keep at it, if only to preserve my brand. If you think about it, your entire life is being recorded on the internet, so you may as well embrace it. One day, your children’s children will see your trail. What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

Single or get in a relationship
I prefer being single. My best thoughts, my best ideas, my most creative moments are when I’m alone. There is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. For those feeling lonely, there is a road to actualization that needs to be walked first, otherwise even in a relationship something will always be missing. The disadvantage of being single is you don’t get sexy time. But I would argue that neither do people in marriages and long term relationships, so eat it! The advantages are plenty. More focus, more money (yes I said it!), more free time, less responsibility and accountability to others. This allows you to be lean, mean, and hungry as all hell. Obviously I don’t intend on staying single forever, but right now it’s the best thing for me without a doubt.

Organic vs. Non organic foods
I’ve been eating organic foods for years now, and to be honest I believe it’s overrated and overpriced. It isn’t nutritionally superior, nor does it taste better despite what organic eaters preach. Blind taste tests will show this (and have). Just like 99% of wine drinkers can’t tell the difference between a good wine and bad wine, people can’t tell the difference between organic and non organic foods. It tastes better because they THINK it tastes better. As for no pesticides, that is incorrect. Better for the environment? Not if you consider the sheer volume of land that needs to be used over non organic for the same output (good luck feeding the planet with that). Is organic truly organic? As a multibillion dollar industry, you’re damn right big agra is on this money train and are cutting every corner imaginable and doing just enough to get an organic certification. Did you know that 20% of our organic produce comes from CHINA (no offense to my people)?! Even still, I support our local farmers and will continue to eat organic foods, because overall I believe it is better than the alternatives. However, organic foods aren’t going to feed the planet, genetically modified foods are. It is a LUXURY for me to even have the choice to choose between the two, most people are not so fortunate.

Climate change – man made or natural?
I think it’s safe to say that climate change is happening (or not). The question then becomes, are we causing it? And man, I’ve spent more hours on this then I’m willing to admit, and I can tell you whole heartedly that I do not know. I can also say that Al Gore isn’t the saint that people are preaching him to be (he is making a lot of cheddar on this), but at the very same time I support the man and what he’s doing. “WTF, make up your damn mind!” you say? The reason is simple; we are terribly inefficient with energy. In Ontario, where I live, our power infrastructure is aging, and if we don’t find some alternatives soon there is going to be some serious implications. I’m all for more efficiency and effectiveness, because I don’t want to hear stories about families freezing to death in the cold because of lack of power. But it’s not easy to come up with these solutions. Ethanol fuel, for example, is not a good alternative energy because it takes a lot more energy and land to make and isn’t worth the hassle. Nuclear? Takes a wicked long time, a lot of energy, is terribly expensive and very complicated. Tidal? Only good on the coast lines. Clean coal? No such thing. What about solar and wind? Yes! But they have problems of their own. How are we going to provide energy for all of us? Which leads me to my next thought…

Overpopulation – to have a kid or not
There’s simply too many of us, consuming too much, too quickly. Our population is reaching 7 billion. 40 years ago it was less than half of that. Think about that for a second. Our population increased to the same amount in your parents lifetime in what previously took thousands of years. We are in the middle of a population explosion. Infinite growth, FINITE resources. How do we feed all these people? That’s why I have reservations of bringing a child into this world, even though I’ve always wanted to. I don’t want my kid growing up in an overcrowded world, and unless we come up with some solutions, that’s exactly what is going to be happen. I’m giving myself 15 years, and if we can’t make a crack at this then no kid for me.

Peak oil is mad sheisse…
We are too dependent on oil. Look around you, from the screen you are reading this on to the clothes you are wearing to the food you are eating, oil played a huge roll in its production. This is another reason I support Gore, we need alternatives. You are going to hear about the term ‘peak oil’ a lot more in the coming years. We are reaching the capacities of how much we are pulling from the Earth, which means, we are running the eff out. As population increases and oil quantity decreases, people are going to die. A lot of people. IF nothing gets done.

Vegetarianism no more
Vegetarians are misinformed. There’s no other way to put it. It CAN be healthier than the typical North American diet, but it’s not the healthiest. It is better for the environment than normal factory farmed foods, but it isn’t going to save the planet. Is it morally superior? Not if you consider the destruction of entire ecosystems for growing the crops. What about all those wild animals that no longer have food or homes, are they not sentient beings? I don’t have the answers here. I know our food industry is fucked. And I am completely and utterly disgusted by the cruel treatment of animals in CAFOs. Yes, I know it’s brutal, but vegetarianism isn’t the answer. It’s when I realized this that I made the switch back to (mostly clean) meat, and I am glad I did. Bigger, stronger, faster, happier and healthier.

Evolution and genetics versus Creationists and God
The science tells me that evolution is right, and creationism is wrong. I believe in evolution, right down to my diet and how our ancestors ate. And I believe our genetics have a role in how we are and what we become, and by optimizing health and nutrition we can optimize our gene expression. But I don’t think genetics predetermines our destiny, and I don’t believe we were created by the will of God. And yet, I still believe in God. I don’t have a logical explanation for this nor would I want to get into a debate with Christopher Hitchens about it; it really is purely blind faith. I don’t think we were divinely created nor are divinely observed/controlled/whatever, but where else am I going to get my source of strength to press on if shit really does hit the fan? Or if I’m skydiving and my parachute doesn’t open, or I’m jailed in a concentration camp or held at gunpoint, or my best friend is dying of a terminally ill disease, or some other unlikely event I have no control over? I can look within, but I can certainly look beyond as well. One thing that I don’t really understand about evolution is the idea of natural selection, Darwin’s greatest contribution. If natural selection helps the preservation of a species by improving genetic traits, how come humans are getting oh so stupid? How is that contributing to our survival? I need to speak with Richard Dawkins on this one (almost done his EXCELLENT new book).

The end is not near.
Yes, I’ve been learning more primitive skills and reconnecting with the outdoors. And I’ve been exercising like a fiend not to get bigger muscles, a six pack (though I must admit they are nice side benefits) and to look better but rather to BE better. To be more and need less, that’s my journey. As 50 Cent would say, to Get Rich or Die Trying. In my case, when I talk about getting rich, I’m not (only) talking about money. I honestly don’t believe disaster will come. Certainly not on December 21st, 2012 like some doomsayers say. And even if the Earth reaches a cataclysmic tipping point, and we get thrown into an ice age or massive earthquakes and tsunamis or World War 3 or hyper inflation causing economic meltdowns or a superflu or some other planetary destroying event(s), the human race will survive. Hell, if that little shit Frodo Baggins can save the world, then anything’s possible right? And you might be wondering, “Well what the hell can I do? I’m just a hobbit…err, human” there’s lots. Lots! If teaching is your thing, teach. If music is your thing, sing. If policing is your thing, protect. Do it so damn well that people won’t be able to picture you doing anything else. Problems in governments, in corporations, in society are plenty that’s for sure, but this will always be the case. There always were challenges and they were always overcome and there always will be challenges. What we need is a shift in human consciousness. But alas, it’s outside of my sphere of influence (for now…muahhaha). I think it’s an exciting time to be alive. I believe cancer and heart disease and AIDS will be cured in our lifetimes. I believe science will be good enough to let us live healthy lives well over 100 (I, for one, plan on living healthily until at least 150). And I’m not talking out of my ass on this. The science, medicine, and technology is happening in labs all over the world this very instant. As an individual and as a man, I cannot, in good conscience, continue down the path I was going. And so I’m not. Don’t worry about saving the world, worry about saving for retirement instead you overspending consumer whoring monkeys! Just be mindful that times are changing at a faster pace then ever before in human history, the ones who survive are the ones who can adapt. Newspapers are dead, the web made sure of that. Books are dead, Amazon made sure of that. That’s why old people suck (I love blanket statements). They are stuck in their ways. Fluidity, impermanance, and formlessness, like a NINJA. That’s how we do!

A note about identities
Many people spend their entire lives trying to find their identity. Some people go to find themselves, whatever that means, but never really do. When something comes along that they resonate with, there is a tendency to cling on to it and refuse to let go. Don’t be a clinger. There are a lot of survivalists who really think the end of the world is coming. Vegetarians and organic eaters have an elitist attitude. PETA, Greenpeace, and a whole whackload of others are terribly, terribly misinformed, slow the progress of the very science that can save exactly what they are fighting for, and do more harm than good. Tony Robbins runs a cult. He does, if you see what he does and suggests you do in person it is exactly that. Cult mentality. I still think he’s a pimp, but my identity isn’t wrapped up in it. Same with fitness, I believe in a certain type of workout and diet that makes sense to me, but I don’t identify it as being me. I don’t see that very often, usually I see the opposite. Then, when something comes along that shakes up his/her worldview, all hell breaks loose. Don’t let that happen to you. Don’t be a joiner. Its noble to try and save the world, but really understand what you are doing before actually doing it. What are you saving it from? People want to be a part of something, to connect, to be a part of a community and a tribe. This is evolution at work, this is how we survived. But times are different now. How absolutely rude and insensitive are you do criticize obese people because you lost some weight and are now part of the get fit tribe? Elitist. There are a lot of sharks out there trying to sell you snake oil. Some of these sharks have really nice boobs and wear miniskirts. Others, like Dr. Phil, think they can dissect and solve your life problems after meeting you for 5 minutes in front of millions of people who then proceed to praise him like a god. The Vatican, Monsanto, Google, these giants are not saintly, but they aren’t completely evil either. We are smarter than that. Just use that noggin of yours, put that fragile ego down, and go into the new year understanding that you are not your car, your job, what you believe in, and stop with the hero worship and herd mentality. That alone can take you very far.

A message to my friends and family
They say we are the average of our 5 closest friends. And therefore, for me to be better, I need YOU to be better. When I push you, it’s not just because I get a smile when you step up and prove me wrong, it’s also for my own selfishness. I can’t do this on my own. I need all of you more than you will understand. I know I’m a little unstable. I know I can be ridiculously unreasonable sometimes, but this is only because I despise second class behaviour in myself, and the people I choose to associate myself with. No snivelling, no whining, none of that garbage, it goes straight to autoignore. I know I drive you guys crazy sometimes (especially my family). And I’d like to say there’s a method to my madness, and there is. I just haven’t figured out what that is yet 😛 Your loyalty astounds me and I’m at your greatest honour. If I were you I wouldn’t be putting up with my shit, but you do. So thanks and stuff. *eHug*. Onwards, to a new year! Today, is the last day of the decade, adventure waits on the other side!

Influences this year include:
Bloggers: Ramit Sethi, Seth Godin, Tim Ferris, Derek Sivers, Mark Sisson, Leo Babauta

Books: The Primal Blueprint, The Vegetarian Myth, Born to Run, Emergency, A Whole New Mind, Power of Less, I Will Teach You To Be Rich, Crush It, Ignore Everybody, The Paradox of Choice, The 4-Hour Workweek Expanded Edition, The Greatest Show on Earth, Blue Zones

Film: Food Inc, The World According to Monsanto, Collapse, Collision, A Crude Awakening, The Corporation, Fat Head, The Fog of War, King Corn, The Age of Stupid

Other: The Story of Stuff, TED.com, Penn and Teller’s Bullshit, Weston Price Foundation, Toronto Survivalism Group, The P.I.N.E Project, Beachbody