Category Archives: Life

Ready for what’s next

Happy 2020! I didn’t write a mid-year update for 2019 because I was putting in crazy 16 hour days, under cyber-attack, and just trying my best to stay afloat. It was insanely tough and there wasn’t much to say other than it fucking sucked. But I got through it and here I am reflecting not only on the past year but the past decade as well.

 

A year ago I was terrified of leaving my job to work full-time on mailfloss. At the time it wasn’t doing a whole lot in revenue, had a high churn rate, and a ton of bugs. Mentally, I felt really isolated, unprepared and alone, but in retrospect, it was absolutely the right thing to do. It’s been incredibly challenging at times, but nothing in my life has ever felt so rewarding, either.

 

2019 gave me a glimpse of a new life and what’s possible. Walking into the new year and the new decade I feel like I’ve gained some confidence back and know that everything is going to be alright.

 

I spent half the year in Canada and half the year in Thailand. There was one issue with Thailand, and that was the fact that I didn’t work out at all. This is horrible and something I need to fix. I’ve been doing double duty since coming back to Canada for the past month and it’s really made a difference in my size and leanness, but it’s also starting to nag on my joints a bit, especially my elbows.

 

The good news is I’ll be heading to South America for 3 months starting next week, which was my original plan in 2018. I’ll give my elbows a break from the daily grind for a few weeks, but then I’ll still need to get into a bodyweight routine of some sort, or end up with a dad bod again, which happened this year but thankfully is now under control.

 

My Spanish will be put to the test while in South America, which is exactly what I need. I had a tutor for over a year and still feel like my Spanish isn’t up to snuff, which is frustrating but is what it is. I feel like I’ll be able to get by without too much trouble, but we’ll see once I get there.

 

I read 23 books this year and the one that I recommend the most was the first one I finished – Atomic Habits. It’s a blueprint to better habits and really helped my productivity shoot through the roof, eliminate some nasty habits and get better at sticking with good ones.

 

Some lessons I’ve learned and re-learned from the past 10 years include:

Consistency is everything. Slow and steady wins the race. The tortoise beats the hare 9/10 times.

Don’t tolerate toxic people. Friends, family, SOs, classmates or coworkers, it doesn’t matter. If they continuously disrespect you and don’t support you then get rid of them. You will be objectively happier and better off once they’re out of your life.

Nobody gives a shit about you and nobody owes you anything. Don’t cry about it, this is empowering. You can do anything. Get after it.

Friendships come and go in cycles. Life changes, people get married, have kids, move away. Don’t hate, accept it. You can’t force and beg people to be in your life. If it was meant to be, so be it. You never know when you’ll reconnect with old ones.

Be cautious of the “isms” and worship nobody, no matter how great you think they might be.

Respect everyone until they give you a reason not to.

Be kind, even to those who don’t reciprocate.

Effectiveness beats efficiency, but ideally, you’d want to be efficient at the effective stuff.

Be micro-impatient, and macro-patient. H/t to Gary V for this one. Meaning go fast and hard short-term so you can reap the rewards long-term. But they don’t come overnight.

Sleep well so you feel great and can perform well.

Eat consciously.

Kaizen – try to continuously improve, always.

1% improvements add up quickly.

Don’t sweat the small stuff, but don’t underestimate them either.

Believe in yourself, even when nobody else does.

Don’t forget to breathe. This is especially important when shit is hitting the fan.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially if you need it.

Think for yourself and don’t believe everything you read or see.

Exercise, already!

Balance is still over-rated. Especially when it’s ill-defined.

Just because you love something doesn’t mean it’s good for you. This includes friends and hobbies. And cheeseburgers.

Try to full-ass stuff rather than half-ass stuff.

Travel more. (side note: Instagram doesn’t need to know)

Put away your phone. It’s alright.

Looking back on the past decade, I can say without any doubt that this was by far the toughest decade I have gone through and perhaps ever will go through. I left the corporate world in 2009 and haven’t looked back, but nothing turned out the way I envisioned it. While my friends got married, bought houses, cars, had kids, got promotions and new jobs, I got none of that. I failed, again and again and again and AGAIN, moved home, was ridiculed and laughed at and wrote off, brushed aside, disrespected, ghosted, and thrown shade at more times than I’d like to think about.

 

But it’s all been worth it for what comes next. I genuinely believe 2020 and beyond is mine for the taking, and I’m coming for it all.

2018 was another good year

I had another good year in the books. It was marginally better than 2017. Aside from that, there isn’t much more to add in addition to my mid-year update. It was still the best year for me in terms of physical fitness and aesthetics. My Spanish continued to improve steadily and slowly (and frustratingly). Ditto to my swimming, although I haven’t jumped in the water in a few months.

There are a few other things worth sharing. For one, I bought a one-way ticket to Asia, where I’ve been spending my time the last 3 months. I started in Chiang Mai, then went to Bali, and finally to Tokyo. It’s been a dream come true and one of the best decisions I made in 2018. My original plan was to head to South America in January but I love it here too much and am currently HQ’d in Chiang Mai. The only thing I really, really miss aside from my family is the barbell. I really friggen miss it. But luckily, even after 3 months away from training and eating everything under the sun, I’m still feeling good and relatively fit. Bodyweight workouts are fun, and I plan on improving my flexibility over the next couple of months, but still, I love the feeling of getting under a bar and trying to lift it.

I read 21 books in 2018. It was a good pace for me. I was quite busy so getting in 21 books was more than enough. Some of my favourites include Win Bigly, It Doesn’t Have to be Crazy at Work, Tools of Titans, and Discipline Equals Freedom.

The only part of 2018 that I struggled with was my job. This was a biggy, and I spent too many days in a row waking up and not looking forward to the workday. So I made the decision to leave just around the end of the year. So here I am at the beginning of 2019 on the other side of the world, far from home, and starting my life all over again and at the bottom. I’ve been here before. Back to back to back to back business failures. You’d think I’d learned my lesson by now, but I haven’t. I’m an idiot. But a happy, wandering idiot. Cheers to a great 2019.

Late mid-year update 2018: A familiar feeling

Late, as usual, but whatever. This is more catharsis for myself than anything else. Plus I’ve been hella busy so bleh. So far, I’ve been very happy with this year. It feels oddly familiar to 2007. 2007 was an epic year for me, and from 2007-2009 is when I experienced the most growth as a person and racked up a ton of life experiences. This year, 11 years later, so far feels a lot like 2007 in so many ways. It feels like I’m on the cusp of some more big lessons, wins, and life experiences.

In my 2017 year-end review, I wrote:

Next year looks to be business as usual in a lot of ways, but there will also be exciting opportunities available. I think it will be a hard but rewarding year. And if it’s a good year like this one I’ll gladly accept it. I’m excited to see what happens.

I’d say that’s largely true. Business as usual. Lots of hard work. But rewarding work. And the results are showing. For example, I rehired my swimming coach like I said I was going to do, and she’s been fantastic. I feel so much more comfortable in the pool, and panic far less now. I’d say I’m now a slightly-below-average swimmer at this point. I know that doesn’t sound amazing, but for my entire life I was so mortified at even the thought of putting my feet into the water that this is a huge achievement for me that I’m really happy with.

I’ve also hired a Spanish tutor, and after 5 months with him I can have so-so conversations and can express my ideas in Spanish that he’s able to understand. It’s definitely not fluency by any means, but he’s ecstatic with my progress and I’m somewhat satisfied. I really want to be fluent at the end of the year, which is quickly approaching, but it doesn’t seem like it’ll happen. That seems to be the norm for me. I just seem to have to work harder than everybody else to get mediocre results. When I read stories of people who get fluent in a language in 3 months or get down to 7% body fat after a 3-month cut I always get envious. I’ll do my absolute bestest to follow the exact step-by-step plan and I simply just don’t get the same results. But then I look back at how far I’ve come and remind myself that it isn’t a race and that the only person I should compare myself to is my former self.

Physically I feel fantastic. I’m in the best shape of my life, for sure. Training has gone exceptionally well and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve got some naggy elbows for the past month but they’re feeling much better now, and I didn’t have to slow down my training, progress, or volume. I couldn’t ask for more in this regard, to be honest.

I did end up going to India for a month in January, and I loved it. I went with one of my besties who hasn’t really traveled much and it was quite obvious he wasn’t having a good time. So we were both glad when he left and I continued on my own, then met up with some of my other besties. India is a challenging country in so many ways and yet it all felt so normal to me. Travel isn’t always comfortable, in fact, I’d argue that a lot of travel isn’t, and yet on the other side of that discomfort is so much win. With that said, I’m going to do some wandering for a while and work remotely in different countries. It’s time. I’m not getting any younger and this is something I’ve always wanted to do ever since I read about it in the 4-hour workweek way back in 2007. I have so many excuses in my head as to why I shouldn’t go, and only a few reasons for why I should. But fuck it, sometimes you just gotta stop listening to your head and listen to your heart. First stop, Asia! Stay tuned…

2017 was a good year

I had a good year this year. Good, not great. But I will take it. It was the first good year I’ve had in my thirties. That isn’t an exaggeration.  The last 5 years were complete and utter shit. That isn’t me being negative, that’s just the reality of the situation. My perspective throughout those 5 years was mostly positive, but even still overall it was a sucky time. This year, however, something changed. I didn’t feel lost and confused. I didn’t make mountains out of molehills. I took everything in stride. It was good. Things were busy, as usual, but I never felt overwhelmed or scatterbrained. I knew if I just clamped down and chugged I could get a lot done. And I was mostly pleased with my progress. Slowly but surely I’ve been progressing in the game of life, leveling up where I can, stopping to smell the flowers where appropriate, and 2017 was pretty smooth in those regards.

Some of the highlights this year for me included getting Lasik surgery and hiring a private swimming coach. Both of these were huge. My vision has improved tremendously and I no longer need glasses and contact lenses. I cannot emphasize how much this has improved my life. The same can be said for hiring a private swimming coach. She was able to 10x my swimming ability and drastically improve my confidence in the water. I was so pleased with the results that I’ll be hiring her again next year. Lesson learned – sometimes you just have to pay up to have your problems solved. Both of these were investments into me and were worth every penny.

This was also a great year health-wise. Sure, I still can’t see my abs and I still have a bit more tummy then I did before I started my uber bulk, but the fat has slowly been melting away. I don’t mind, though. I’ve put on more muscle than fat and have had numerous people compliment me on my gainz. But much, much more importantly, I’ve been mostly injury free and a lot more durable this year. This makes me very, very happy. Strength training has gone well and progressive overload has been pretty much linear (or maybe step-wise). A first time in my 5 years of lifting. Injuries in the past have set me back time and again, sometimes for unbearably long periods of time, but this year everything just went well. This allowed me to sneak in some fun BJJ injury-free as well (though not as much as I would have liked). Things are just better without injuries so I’m hoping I can stay this way for a long time. I think I made the right adjustments this year and am quite pleased.

I didn’t do a lot of travel this year but did sneak away to Havana for a few days early in the year. I’ve always wanted to go to Havana because that is where my Grandmother was born and it always looked like it was trapped in a time capsule. It didn’t disappoint in the slightest. It was a fabulous place and the people were great. I also had short weekends in Chicago and New York City, my favourite city in the world. It was my first time in Chicago but hopefully not the last. I had a fantastic time there with some fantastic people. I will be traveling a lot more in 2018, for sure, starting with a month-long trip to India in January.

Aside from that, not much else to report. I didn’t think I read a whole lot of books this year but looking back at my Goodreads bookshelf, it looks like I managed to cram in over 20 books since the beginning of the year. I really enjoyed the books “Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World” and “Persuadable: How Great Leaders Change Their Minds to Change the World” (what’s with me liking books about changing the world? hmmmm).

Next year looks to be business as usual in a lot of ways, but there will also be exciting opportunities available. I think it will be a hard but rewarding year. And if it’s a good year like this one I’ll gladly accept it. I’m excited to see what happens.

Happy New Year! Much love.

Mid Year Update 2017: Back on track, baby!

I still have trouble wrapping my head around how fast time seems to fly by. And even more surprisingly, accelerating. It’s June, and hot out, and it feels not too long ago it was still quite cold outside with snow on the ground.

 

This year so far has been good. The best I’ve had in my 30s so far by a mile. That’s not to say much. My 30s have been really shit. But so far this year feels good. Good, as in normal (for the most part). I hope this is my new normal. Normal is nice. I think the contrast from around December when I was juggling too many things compared to now where I’m only working on two things is a huge breath of fresh air. The boundaries are nice. I can take a little time to myself without worrying about this or that thing. I think better as a result. And I’m more effective and happier because of it. I went for a swim today and just lounged around and it felt great.

 

If there’s one gripe I have, it’s that things are moving along too slowly. Maybe that’s why time seems to move so quickly, in contrast to the slow-moving progress that is my life. For example, I thought I’d see my abs again by this time, but I’m not even close to beach ready. Even though I’ve already dropped 13 lbs since the beginning of the year, I have about 5-7 more to go. Progress, just slow. I keep reminding myself that we tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in the short term but underestimate what we can accomplish in the long term. I’m no exception to this tendency, it would seem. Other things that also seem to be moving along slower than I’d like to include my work, side project, and just about everything else going on. But, honestly, it is to be expected. So not really a gripe, just an observation.

 

Aside from that, not much else to report. I’ve been injury free and enjoying lifting weights lately. And since the beginning of spring, I’ve resumed my daily walks. I love them, they are such an energy and mind recharge and such a relaxing activity.

 

Oh yeah, and I got Lasik last month! There was a bit of a scare that the surgery overcorrected my vision in the 1 week follow-up. I was getting splitting headaches, and my eye doc prescribed me glasses, completely defeating the purpose of getting Lasik done. But literally right after that appointment, the headaches all vanished. It has been smooth sailing ever since and my vision feels really good. I still can’t believe that I’m seeing so clearly and without glasses. It is a total game-changer.

1 day after Lasik
The day after Lasik surgery. Complete with complementary big ass shades and free Raptors hat from Bochner Eye Institute.

I think I’m going to start writing a little bit more, again. Maybe just stupid silly things, like product reviews of Kickstarter projects I’ve backed. But just something to do to take my mind away from work stuff and to hopefully kickstart (pun intended) a writing routine. My Yelp reviews just aren’t doing it for me. No pressure.

2016 – A little lonely and a little lost

“Fuck…”

“I can’t take this anymore…”

“Somethings gotta change…”

That was me 3 weeks ago. I was at my wits end. It felt like I was suffocating. What I was doing for the majority of the year wasn’t working and I knew it. I was overworked, ineffective, and unhappy. Basically, everything I didn’t want in my life. So I bailed… on almost everything.

It felt like I just chopped off one of my arms. But it was swift. Painful but swift. I closed 4 of my websites for good. I emailed my customers telling them I was closing up shop and gave them enough time to export and backup their data. And I cried a little. And I may have pooped in my pants. I can’t remember.

2016 was a lot like 2015 in many ways… it went a lot harder than I thought it would. If you were to read my 2015 update you could almost update the year from 2015 to 2016 and you’d almost be correct. It was much worse in many ways. But there’s only so many ways I can write I had a shitty year without sounding repetitive and like I’m feeling sorry for myself. There were some differences, obviously. It’s not like the movie Groundhog Day where I was living the same shitty day over and over.

But I think in terms of my social life, my hobbies, my sleep, it was all very similar and my mid-year update covered it pretty well.

Since the mid-year update, not much has changed except a few things worth noting. In August I began a four-month bulk that resulted in me gaining over 30 pounds. The really crazy part to me was about 2 months into the bulk, I was already over 35 pounds and far too fat. So I had to actually make some adjustments and ended up at 168 lbs. At one point I was over 170 lbs, which was crazy to me. All prior attempts at putting on weight never put me over 160, let alone 170. While I’m happy that I was able to put on that much weight in such a short amount of time, I will never attempt to do it like this ever again. I look and feel disgusting. I’ve got a huge gut, feel much more lethargic, and have a crazy amount of bacne and random skin rashes that refuse to go away. I also don’t have any clothes that fit me properly. So now I have to start cutting out the fat while maintaining the muscle I gained. Theoretically, it shouldn’t be too hard. Eat a little bit less while keeping the protein relatively high, and increase my energy expenditure (more exercise, more daily movement, more activity). Let’s hope it doesn’t get too difficult. I don’t foresee it being too bad but if my track record for everything else in my life is any indication, I’m probably way off.

The neck pinch I had in July resulted in another MRI scan of my neck. The results possibly explained the tingling and numbness I had in my arms and hands and fingers. 5 of 7 of the discs in my neck are bulging, 2 somewhat seriously with stenosis to boot. Yay, me. BJJ, one of my favourite hobbies, has been difficult. I’d spar with some people and my neck would be sore for a week. So I haven’t been going very often, unfortunately, which makes me sadface.

Productivity and learning really started to take off in the last quarter of the year. I was learning a shitload and getting a lot done. I spent a lot of money buying software and online courses to further my education. It was as if I was subconsciously building up a war chest of business software and upgrading my brain because of the coming fallout that my subconscious inevitably knew was coming.

I was disappointed in how I handled some important things this year, especially in business. I was overconfident in thinking I could do it all. Way too much hubris. But I didn’t know what to do and had nobody to turn to. I felt lonely. One of my best friends moved away in February. Another decided to bail on a business we were working on together. Another moved away in August. And my Grandma passed away in July. That one gutted me and still fucks with me. All in all, I felt lost, lonely, and unsure of what to do. I bought an online business because why not. I started dating again around that time because why not x2. They were all missteps that if I just took a second to think it through I would realize how bad the decisions were. I was adding gasoline to an already full tank. I was just overflowing, and scatter-brain, and unfocused. I was like a frog in a pot of water about to boil. It was around September that I was reaching the boiling point. And by December…pop.

But here’s why I’m not worried…

I watched the UFC last night – Rousey vs Nunes. I was wrong about both main events. Two of my favourite fighters lost, and one of them got murked. And then this morning all I could see were memes mocking Rousey for her loss. And I was reminded of something I already knew. People who make memes about women getting beat up just aren’t part of my tribe. I don’t even know how to associate with that or them on that level. But people who work their asses off day in and day out, who try their best and still come up short from time to time but who aren’t afraid to put in the work and keep going…shit…that…THAT is my fam. That I can relate to. All. Damn. Day.

This is Dominic Cruz after his loss. Listen to this shit. I had it re-running for 20 minutes straight so it could seep into my thick skull. The most dominant bantamweight in history just lost for the first time in 9 years yet his perspective is unexpected and inspiring.

 

Story time…. I haven’t told this one to anybody because it’s a little sappy and weird…

I went to visit my old stomping grounds earlier in the year. I went to say hi to some cafe owners I hadn’t seen in a few years – a brother and sister run business. I had gotten to know them over the years and found out a lot about them. Prior to the cafe, they ran a number of businesses – night clubs and restaurants, so naturally they’ve met a lot of people over the years. Anyway, when we were catching up they gave me a lot of life tips, wisdom and words of encouragement and fed me for free until I was stuffed to the gills. As I was about to leave the sister said something that really stuck with me. She kind of sat me down and looked me in the eyes, and in the most sincerest way I’ve ever seen she said I was special. That I was different and unique from anybody she’s come across throughout the years of running businesses and meeting thousands of people. I laughed awkwardly and looked over at her brother to see if she was fucking with me. His eyes were glued on me and nodding at everything she was saying. Then she said something along the lines of “Maybe the world doesn’t see it yet, but they will. How you will show this to the world is yet to be known.” It was so surreal and corny but still sends chills down my spine and something I think about regularly.

Oh, 2016… what a strange year. I made some bad choices, true. But I gained invaluable experience and wisdom. Nothing that I could get from a book or a classroom. I found limits in what I could do, how much I could juggle, and did things I didn’t think I could do. Putting on so much weight was a real eye opener for me. I’ve never been able to do that ever before in all prior attempts. And to do it so quickly, too. Sure, my businesses failed. But the feedback and encouragement from users has been amazing. For some projects, I was able to sell off the assets. For others, I walked away from bad deals after weeks of negotiation. And my skillsets really expanded. Realistically speaking, I’m capable of handling so much more. More pressure, more heartaches and headaches. And the only way to really find your limits is to try to push them.

2017 will be interesting. I have lots to apply and learn and my work is cut out for me. But it’s an exciting time. I hope I can make at least 1 business profitable – either mine or somebody else’s. I hope my cut goes well and I see my abs again. I hope I’ll be able to do a little bit of travel, perhaps in the spring or fall. I hope I’ll be able to connect with more of my tribe, maybe through teaching or joining some meetups. I hope to improve my Spanish. But, we’ll see. The last 4 years haven’t gone nearly as I’d imagined so I don’t really have any expectation that 2017 will be any different. Still, I am excited in the possibilities of what lies ahead. Happy new year and I hope you had a good one and an even better 2017.

Mid Year Update OR Holy SH*T It’s Almost July

It’s almost July. My oh my the time flies. This year has been blazing on by like a meteor. It’s been a tough one. Lots of downs and not so many ups. But it’s fine. I don’t care. The winds will change eventually. I am patient and I am determined.

I’m typing this currently with a pinched nerve in my neck that’s causing pain, weakness, and numbness in my left arm and shoulder. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary except sleep on a friend’s couch. Life is funny that way. I herniated a disc and bulged a disc in my neck many years ago and the pain sometimes comes back to haunt me. This is the worst it’s ever been and I have another MRI planned for it. I have to take it easy from my hobbies like jiu jitsu and strength training for a little while I figure out what’s going on with it. I injured my knee back in December. It was supposed to heal in 6-8 weeks. But at week 12 my physiotherapist told me it’d be 6 months. I was disappointed but took it in stride. It’s now almost 7 months and still isn’t 100%. I can’t even remember the last time I told my friends and family some good news. I am looking forward to when that time comes.

I’ve just re-read some of my year-end goals and predictions that I wrote at the end of last year to compare how things have played out so far, and I’m quite pleased.

Health

Health wise I have some issues I have to tend to aside from this pesky pinched nerve and slow-healing knee. It’s been tough because I have to be careful on what I eat, drink, and do. But I think come August I do plan on going on a bulk. My goal will be to put on a good 10 lbs of lean muscle so we’ll see how that goes. That’s the plan, but it means nothing if this pinched nerve and other shit doesn’t heal up. Plans are useless, but planning is everything I guess. 

I have a few more weeks of another 90-day cycle of P90X3. I enjoy P90X3 quite a bit, but I think after this round I won’t ever do another 90 straight days on the program, at least for a long while. Especially if I’m going to bulk then it would be counter-productive, but I also just need a break from daily rigid exercise. I really like the yoga and mobility program though so I’ll be sure to put those into my rotation on the regular.

Social

Socially my life is even worse than it was before. One of my best friends moved away and I’ve distanced myself from some others who I felt were having too negative an impact on me. Combined with my restrictions due to my health and it’s just hard to get out. I started dating a little bit but nothing really lasted. Women were complaining that I wasn’t spending enough time with them. I have since stopped because they were absolutely right and dating just isn’t a priority to me. I felt like I was being stretched too thin from it and I wasn’t really taking it seriously or enjoying it so I am shelving it for the time being. It’s important that I remind myself to live my life on my terms and not fold into societal and family pressures that I should do this or that or be at this or that point in my life by now.

Hobbies

I did finally get around to trying archery, and I did enjoy it. But the range I went to had tons of mosquitos that ate me alive and also lots of ticks so I haven’t been back. This pinched nerve prevents me from doing it as well, but I definitely see myself doing it more often in the future.

Productivity

I can do better here still. I have had tons of output this year so far and continue to bring it, but it could be more consistent. Some days I’d give myself a 10/10 on productivity and other days a 2 or 3. More 10s and less 2s is very doable. I have also noticed a decline lately as the weather has gotten nicer and that’s no good, either. It’s time to get back on the saddle.

Travel

True to my prediction, I haven’t done any travel this year aside from a weekend trip portaging up north, which was a last minute decision. I was going to go to Colombia in August but that has fallen through. I think if I can go on a 3-month bulk then the timeframe for travel would ideally be November. I want to go somewhere because I have a crazy travel itch at the moment but if it doesn’t happen I’m ok with that as well.

Sleep

It has only improved from last year. I fall asleep faster, sleep deeper, wake up to pee less often, and wake up feeling more refreshed than ever. The quality is there so I am quite happy here.

Happiness

I have spent a lot of time on healing myself up this year. Lots of reading and meditation and introspection and journaling and personal discovery and exercise. I think even if shitty things happen to you, with an unbreakable mind it doesn’t matter. Even if everything goes to shit and your friends and your family give up on you, as long as you don’t give up on yourself then everything will be alright.

So yeah, so far so good. I refuse to let setbacks keep me down. Keep on trucking. Or as Dory would say, just keep swimming…There’s still tons of year left to do some damage, so get after it.